20 REASONS NOT TO GO ON A FAMILY VACATION



Here are the 20 reasons not to go on family vacations:

20. Your debit card is not your credit card with an unlimited balance. It i
is limited by the money in your checking account.

19. There is a reason why children on cruises should not be in a room by themselves. They are bad. So you know security is going to be called.

18. There is only one formal night on a 4 night cruise, a dress for ever night is ridayumdiculous.

17. The Sailpass needs to be explained to all children, because they will be using it to buy toys out of the gift shop. This means you 2 Hunny Bunny. No spongebob for you.

16. Oh, an oceanview is when you can see the ocean whether it is through a square or a hole…

15. You will need money on the cruise if you decide to drink more than water. There is no plan which will allow you to work off your debt by washing dishes.

14. No your in-law cannot share a room with one of the male members. Why? We don’t know his azz.

13. This is a family cruise not a honeymoon cruise. I am not giving you $50 on the Romance package. I don’t want to know if the newlyweds are having sex or not. I changed his dayum diaper for goodness sake! I prefer to think of my cousin as the little baby with colic.

12. The purpose of the walkie talkies is so your Mother can get in contact with her grown azz teenagers. Answer it so she won’t be running from floor to floor screaming y our name with her hair standing on top of her head.

11. Don’t change your reservations two weeks before your sail date…it’s not my fault you had to stand on the gangway cuz they couldn’t figure out where the hell you were suppose to be.

10. With family members arriving by train, bus, plane and car…someone is bound to be delayed and miss the dayum cruise.

9. When we plan a “family vacation”, that means family only. Not random folks to make up the group numbers in order to get a good price.

8. Um, we are 4 weeks out, what do you mean you don’t have your passport? You do know it takes 6 weeks for it to come back? What do you mean you don’t have the money for the passport?

7. If your summer clothes from 2007 were tight and you don’t have the money to purchase any clothes I would kindly appreciate it if you would always be at least 20 paces ahead of me or behind me. Don’t want folks to get the wrong impression about me. {I am dying on this one!!! My summer clothes from 2005 were too tight, but um I’m pulling them out! LOL!!}

6. You do realize you are going to need some money on the cruise?

5. Please do not embarrass me at dinner by ordering two entrees, because you know you are going to be hungry with the small portions.

4. Dear cousin, you have one more time to tell me that if I should find a man on the boat and will be gone for a few hours, to let someone know of my whereabouts. First of all, if I choose to get my freak on with the headwaiter because I love his Armenian accent and decide to lay up with him in the crew’s quarters, that is my dayum business. Further, never called into question whether I have an inner skank, we all have one. My suggestion is you discover yours so you can have as much fun on the cruise as I plan to.

3. Why are members of the family already fighting? We haven’t even left, lawd help us!

2. Read your dayum paperwork. In fact why didn’t you read the information before you booked the dayum cruise. It clearly states, “Oceanview – Porthole”. Read your dayum paperwork. There are forms you need to fill out before you embark onto the cruise ship. Read your dayum paperwork. Yes it will cost you to use the wireless service, yes it will cost your to use your cell phone and yes ain’t nothing really free. So read your dayum paperwork.

1. Don’t ever go on a cruise with family. Especially if they are broke! ….we’re bound to wind up either put off the boat, or on the headline news!!

Comments in blue are from my sister.