Randoms About Road Trips with Family

• When your family says to you to help save on money we should rent a van and drive to your niece’s graduation, do yourself a favor and practice ways of controlling your facial expressions. This will come in handy when they do stupid crap during the trip.

• When you plan to hit the highway at 8 pm, tell your habitually late cousin we are leaving at 5 pm, because if you don’t, you will arrive at her house while she is taking her bath. This will keep you from walking in the house saying, “We are not on colored people time, and we are going to be on time! Let’s go! We got too far to go for you to be soaking in the tub when we are to hit the road in 25 minutes.”

• Why do some of your folks have two suitcases? We are only going for 3 days. Sighing. Do you know how much storage space there is in a Toyota Sienna?

• All drivers do not drive the same. Some will jerk you across the highway as you travel, the entire time.

• My cousins in Atlanta live in Tennessee because it still takes an hour to get to their house once you get to Atlanta.

• Why is everyone in the van sleep except me, the driver and my cousin AJ who just got to Atlanta from Jackson, MS at the same time we arrived at JT’s to pick him up? I worked. What is everyone else’s excuse? Damn, shame.

• Troopers in South Carolina pull drivers over for driving the speed limit in the middle lane.

• There are a lot of 18-wheelers on the road at night, a lot. We could count the cars we passed.

• Why does coffee keep some folks awake while driving, but the same person will have bubble guts a couple hours after drinking it normally? Psychosomatic?

• The GPS on my phone and everyone else’s phone was accurate the entire trip. Yes!

• Gas is higher in other states and lower in other states, usually the states where we didn’t need to stop for gas.

• Driving 55 mph will lose time gained by the previous drivers even if it is only for 45 minutes.

• My family loves Shoney’s and can find one anywhere. Sighing…

• AJ’s travel music is ratchet. Just like I like it. The nastier the better. The other passengers were sleep so why did the wake up talking about the cussing in the music. My response, “Go back to sleep.”

• I snap after being up 24 hours. I am mean and moody.

• Taking sleeping pills and Dramamine at the same time will knock your ass out within 10 minutes.

• I do not like to eat and drink while traveling because my uncle didn’t like to stop for you to use the bathroom and I am opposed to using the bathroom outside or in a jar. Don’t laugh. He was serious about that and has forever kept me mindful of what I eat or drink before and while I am traveling.

• I still do not like Virginia Beach. The scars of the past are still painful.

• My brother looked like Panama Jack and his dad.

• My niece Caitlyn was so busy during this graduating period.

• Four people in a room is fine if one of your cousins isn’t letting out silent bombs and acting like she didn’t. For the record, those smell worse than loud ones. OMG!

• Why do we always have trouble at check-in and check-out in hotels? We prepaid, which guaranteed us our rooms, but they had no record we had done it, thank goodness we all decided to bring our copies of the confirmations. And why did we have to prove we had already paid for them at check-out? Makes me tired.

• My family doesn’t understand my coffee need and cheap as Maxwell House will not do it.

• I prefer my workout rooms to be cool not hot.

• PF Chang’s is nice, but when I ask for my check, please get it to me post haste, not 30 minutes later. A sleep deprived person will act a nut.

• I automatically flirt with men. I can’t help it. It is the smile and dimples.

• I missed The Guy so much I kept sending him pictures of myself. I am vain. Dang thought ya’ll understood that.

• Applebee’s as a Karaoke and dance club was really cool. Although I refuse to do line dances it was great watching others do it and have the time of their lives.

• JT and Caitlyn know how to party. I am worried about their college careers now.

• I really wanted to go to the Cheesecake Factory, but not enough time.

• I didn’t take the picture of my sister, brother and I from the stepmother’s house. I looked at the frame and was like the frame is cheap. Seriously, I was over it when I saw the frame. Someone slap me.

• As it was storming in VA, I kept thinking I hope this wasn’t a warning from my mama. I do believe she approved me going to VA this time.

• My motion sickness is getting worse. I was okay going but coming back not so good. The feeling of needed to throw up because you are moving in a vehicle is crazy.

• No tennis shoes and white socks with your Capri pants, please and thank you.

• I didn’t cry in VA. I almost got taken out during the stepmother’s speech, but I got my life and was like oh no!

• Caitlyn cannot drive me anywhere. At all.

• Lala ate the cookies I baked, she would eat the food I gave her, but if I touched her. OMG! She would scream like a banshee. But she still knows how to make it rain with money. I taught her that.

• My family knows how to party and turn a place complete up and out! Ask Applebee’s!

• Traffic during a road trip is nerve wrecking. I know my nerves were torn up.

• I couldn’t wait to get home and take a bath because showers don’t make me feel clean.

• The only thing I purchased in VA besides liquor and snacks was Aveda’s Hydrating Mask. We walked right past a salon with Aveda products and I stopped and scared the poor folks with knowing exactly what I wanted and was in an out in 2 minutes.

• When we are stuck in traffic and you haven’t driven on mile but you keep asking are we there yet and you are a grown ass adult, is annoying.

• The trip really wasn’t bad at all, however, due to my motion sickness and my nerves I will limit my road trips to 5 hours max.

• As a family we did the dang thing. We had a great time together and we all returned with no one being hurt along the way!

• Pssst? I am saving my duckies because I am flying to the next family vacay spot.
 

• I don't want to have hot flashes.