I am having a bad day...


I'm not having a very good day. Have you ever had one of those days? Today is my day. I woke up on time, but was an hour late for work. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, I guess. So I began my day dragging because I have been working almost 30 days without a day off. The time change also has contributed to my bad mood, depression and feeling some kinda way. So as I took my sweet time getting ready this morning, I pass by one of the guest rooms and there on the dayum curtains is a lizard. Ugh! I HATE LIZARDS, I HATE LIZARDS, I HATE LIZARDS! That just about sent me over the edge. I just stared at that thing and said to myself, I really must not be living right. The last time, heck it could be the same lizard, the thing was in the curtains I asked one of my male cousins to remedy the situation his punk self was like, "Uh, uh I am scared of lizards." Grown man scared of a lizard. My fear is ingrained and I hate them something awful. When spring and summer arrive so do their nasty behinds. (I am really trying to not cuss, but I am just so mad right now!) Not sure how it is going to get out of there, but I have been known to ignore a room for months for fear of an animal. And I will. Of course, one of my female cousins will probably get rid of the dayum thing. My co-worker thought the whole situation was funny. I looked at her with a straight face as she continued to laugh with tears rolling down her face. She thought my whole reaction to the lizards was pure comedy. I am not laughing. I have to go home tonight and the first thing I'll do is look for that dayum lizard.

I think my bad mood started to kick into overdrive yesterday, when I found out one of my friend's father died. Found out after I sent her a text asking how he was doing only to find out hours later he has been dead since Friday.

I also was put in a pissy mood when I found out one of my book club members decided she was going to get together her own group at work to do the Joy to Walk. This pissed me the hell off. Not only is it tacky, but is speaks volumes of what you feel for the group that you have been a member of for 7 years. And get this, in order to register as a group you must have 10 people, she only has 4 folks from her job willing to participate. Good luck with that. This is why I am thisclose to disbanding this book club. Seriously. I am tired of the silliness of a few of these women. And we are walking for our book club member who has battled two rounds of breast cancer. We should be doing it together instead of apart.

I want to disband. I am tired. Been like this for a couple of years, but this last year hasn't been a bad year. We have read some great books, had wonderful discussions and have been encouraging to each other emphasising how strong our bond is, but I am so tired. I put in a lot of work to get things done, because I am extremely organized, only to see folks only half-heartedly reap the benefits of the book club. Honestly, I have outgrown some of my members, not all, but some. I am in a different place in my life and I seek peace. The only reason I haven't disbanded is because of my members. Contradictory, huh? I guess I am not feeling love the love I have put into this group and for folks to slap me in the face like in the paragraph above, irks the hell out of me. I shouldn't take it personally, but I do. I started this book club because I was lead to do it by a higher power. I have watched what folks have gain from it and I have seen the positive things we have done in the community, but I am tired.

I suffer at times from depression. I think everyone at times has a lull in their life where they feel down and exasperated. I know what my triggers are. I must have off time. I must have a vacation. I have been working too long without a sufficient break. I also need some me time as well. The time change didn't help me either. The pain in my right foot isn't helping matters much. Right now nothing seems to be helping.

I go to the Ross Knight Photography blog and get depressed after viewing the most beautiful pictures of weddings and engagements. I love the photos, love how the photographer captures the beauty of the moment. I love the statement the photos make and then I get depressed and cry after every viewing. Love exists.

Maybe I am just angry because on last Friday a member of our legal unit decided to walk a se.x off.ender to my office. That is a no no. I don't talk to sex offenders face-to-face. He comes into my office introducing himself as Dr. so and so. Dayum lie. Made the hair on my arms stand up and I felt nasty the rest of the day.

I ought to be happy I finally upgraded my cell phone to a G1. Yep I am with t.mobile and I ain't going anywhere when I have a plan that is talk anywhere, anytime to anybody for $49.99. It pays to be a loyal customer for 11 years. I do love my new phone. It does cool stuff. It just isn't able to make my day better.

I hate I had to blog my woe is me moment, but I felt like if I didn't, I was going to be even more hell than I have already been today. Plus, I have to go to my second job this afternoon. Seriously, my body is tired. My mind is tired. I can't wait until I wake up tomorrow, because I know this too shall pass...