Post Grieving Randoms...

I would like to thank Ernessa T. Carter, author of 32 Candles, for writing a story that has helped me navigate these gray days by putting a smile on my face and allowing me to laugh out loud.

These last few weeks have been surreal. It is hard to accept my aunt is no longer here. I have spent the last 5 years caring for a woman who finished raising me. Those five years are nothing and cannot adequately repay her for all she has done for me. Even though I cry every day, I smile too because in those years she was sick I managed to make her laugh and smile and I hope with all my heart that I conveyed to her everyday how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. Although I lost my mother at 14 years old, she was my other mother and her love is what I have to cherish as I try making my life normal again. It is so hard. However, I use my other anonymous blog to deal with my grief and I don’t want folks over here crying and such, so I have some randoms for ya:

• “I really am not that nice.” This is what I told my cousin when he finally made an appearance the Saturday my aunt went to be with the Lord. Folks were supposed to be at the house at 1:00 pm and they didn’t show up until almost 4:30 p.m. Really? I was still in my clothes I had slept in from the day before. So I was in danger of having to be the funkiest hostess, literally.
• Black folks can we give the family more than chicken, cake, pies and sodas? Don’t get me wrong the first day or so it was great, but um, the sodas can touch our ceiling, the chicken was so overwhelming you know some ended up in the garbage can and the cakes threatened to ruin my better eating mojo.
• Thanks to the folks who brought over breakfast food, fruit trays, sandwich trays and wine who thought outside the box, we appreciate it.
• Overheard, “That is the No-No cake.” This was a pound cake that was heavy as a brick and only tasted a little bit better than one.
• “You are not wearing stockings.” No.  If you all would shave your legs you too, could be comfortable.
• Those who know me know that I don’t do well with crowds and lots of people around me. I can stand it for a little while, but eventually the fake smile starts to hurt my face and I am irritated because I feel my space is being encroached upon, so I had a window during this time. Even my aunt understood that about me. Too many folks and you will look up and I am in my room in the bed reading, watching television, on the computer or playing games. My window closed quickly at times, which means I am non-responsive and unhelpful.
• There was no fighting or arguing over the arrangements. However, I don’t which to ever have to do that again.
• “You should come to the Omega Omega service.” Nope, I am not going anywhere near the funeral home. I don’t do family hours. I didn’t do my mothers and any of the other relatives either. My aunt understood that about me. The Omega Omega service is one done by the Greeks prior to the actual funeral. My aunt was a Delta for over 50 Years.
• My shoes for the actual funeral were the business. Which was my quiet homage to my aunt who loved shoes as much as I do.

• “Shana, are you going to stay here by yourself?” Yes. “Well, when you get old we going to visit you too.” Said to me by my 8 year old cousin. Sweet.

I am trying to get back to writing, but it is taking me longer than I thought…

Today my aunt was called home by God. I am sad, but thankful she is no longer in pain. I will be back...soon. RIP. Aunt Marie!

Must See Television

I am a television junkie. When I am not working my two jobs and caring for my aunt, you can find me planted in front of one of our five televisions watching something, um, usually one of the Law & Order franchises. But I am sure you are not interested in my obsession of Law & Order, so I am going to talk about my summer shows I could not miss and the new fall schedule.

I always wait anxiously for the summer shows on TNT because that means, The Closer with Kyra Sedgwick. I love this show. Her southern accent and genteel ways, which actually are manipulation maneuvers to get her suspect to confess without an attorney, enamor me to her character. Plus, she is addicted to sweets. Anyway, this summer was no disappointment and all the episodes were great. I love the chemistry and I love the humor interjected as well. However, the drama still has the same meat of some of my all time favorite episodes of L &O.

Did you all watch Memphis Beats with Jason Lee? OMG! I loved that quirky show. I don’t know why I kept waiting on the Lee’s character to come out with an Earl moment. Anyone who ever watched My Name is Earl knows what I am talking about. It is a good crime drama that combines the grittiness of Memphis with the blues and soul of the town. I absolutely loved the end of each episode where Lee would sing a blues song. Had me swaying in my bed. I even liked Alfre Woodard in there with the power of authority and the fact she has five kids, OMG! It is funny, quirky, thoughtful and just damn good!

Hawthorne hit the mark this summer with Hawthorne and the good doctor getting together physically. I enjoyed how integral her daughter was in this season as well. It added more emotion and depth to Hawthorne. But let me say this, and don’t judge me either…Mark Anthony is sexy. Believe me, this took me quite by surprised and I felt the need to seek some type of therapy. I have never looked at him with adoration. He is too skinny and looks like he is hungry, however, on Hawthorne there was this swagger or demeanor that was the sweet tea. I see why Jennifer loves him. He got It, whatever It is. I cannot wait until next summer with Hawthorne being pregnant and all.

Rizzoli and Isles was great! And the season finale cliffhanger! OMG! Help me I can barely wait. The chemistry of the friends and the tomboyish ways of Angie Harmon helped this show really capture my attention. Harmon as Rizzoli is tomboyish, but she is still a woman and Isles has that innocent thing going for her, but she is so quirky it just damn works. Having Boston as the setting for the show makes it different and original for a crime drama. This is a show one should not miss and it has been approved for next season. Summer can’t come soon enough.

The fall schedule is a bit less enthusiastic for me. Without my beloved Law & Order, I am a bit lost. So I am trying to be open to the new shows, but um I think I am having some issues. Law & Order SVU started with a bang and the most recent episode with Jennifer Love Hewitt, was the best. I won’t be missing any shows this season. Chase is about a female US Marshall and it is gritty and pretty good. I still watch Chuck; it is doing okay so far. I hate to say this and I love me some Blair Underwood, but I cannot get with the Event. What in the name of flashback, present time, years ago; hours ago hell is this shyte? I tried, but for the life of me I am either not ADHD enough or my OCD is out of control because the back and forth between times and shyte are too much. I can’t. I tried, I was lost or my intelligence level isn’t what I thought it was even with 3 degrees. Law & Order: LA – the jury is still out on this one. I tried to watch it Wednesday, but I was multitasking so I couldn’t really engross myself into the story line. Did they do the trademark doink, doink sound? I don’t even remember. I do know it ain’t gritty, it is pretty. LA is too pretty for the real grit I like and felt was part of the L&O franchise. I am going to give them two more episodes to see if I am a convert, but I will tell you if there is no doink, doink sound, I am going to feel some kinda way about it and probably not watch it. Seriously, will someone tell NBC to bring back the original and give me some damn closure? By the way, Donofrio will be returning to Law & Order: Criminal Intent on the USA. Jeff Goldblum quit because there was a question if the show was returning. The first year Goldblum was on it, he made the show much better and had me feening to watch, but this last season the writing was off and we didn’t have the same Goldblum of the previous season. Hell too much was going on in the first two episodes. And pretty much that is all I am watching this fall. So what are you digging on television right now?