Day 20 – Fears (Or anything you are afraid of)
I think for a long time I feared I would die alone. When you don’t see marriage or children in your future, this inevitably will cross your mind. I have seen so many of my family members in regrettable marriages and relationships; I just could not see me repeating their same mistakes. I also have to admit, I purposely wanted to make sure I didn’t follow in the footsteps of my mother, don’t get me wrong, I loved my mother, but she made some questionable decisions. Her decisions were based on a lack of self-esteem and sometimes at the expense of her children. I never wanted to be that person who chose a man over her children. Never. Now I don’t worry about being alone because I have close family who will see to my wishes and to insuring my golden years are peaceful and beautiful. But I am going to need ya’ll to keep Hunny Bunny out of the mix because that child is going to put me in a nursing home and never look back, especially after she becomes a big star.
You all have read about my natural fears of worms and anything I deem just plain nasty. I saw a snail in my damn garden and I was just done. You saw how my copper tape was over my raised garden, so that gave the thing the inch it needed to climb into my garden. Well, since I know they are electrified by copper, my garden looks like a wishing well, pennies everywhere. I don’t think they anticipated my OCD way of dealing with it. Seriously, snails and slugs are disgusting creatures!
I also fear mice and rats. At one point, our house had entry points for the little rodents including squirrels. We couldn’t figure out what the heck was going on, but we knew something needed to happen and quick. Those suckers were destroying my sleep. Do you all remember when Aaliyah’s plane crashed? I was awake when it happened and stayed up all night. Yes, I was obsessed with news coverage of the accident, but the damn mice were under my bed. Okay, it was one little one, but it still scared the mess out of me. I was scared to get out of bed and when my aunt and uncle woke up, I jumped out of bed and ran like something was after me, in my mind the mouse that was stuck to the sticky thing my uncle thought was a good idea to put under my bed was chasing me! My uncle was like what is wrong with you? I was out of breath and could barely get the words out as I said, “Rat, under my bed!” He laughed the whole time he was getting the filthy beast out of the house, taking about I was too old to be jumping in folk’s bed about a small mouse! Whatever. Not long after that we had the house sealed up like Fort Knox, because when the squirrels were up in our attic my Uncle with his infinite wisdom, had the local crackhead put mothballs in our attic, so the squirrels ate them and proceeded to die in the attic, which created a stench that no one could live in the house. Thank goodness for the Critterman, RIP, he was killed last year, but he fixed our infestation and sealed off every possible entry point.
Lizards are like the bane of my soul. I just can’t deal with those nasty things. I just pray not one of them things touches me because I really will have a heart attack.
FYI to this day, I tell people I can hear a rat piss on cotton, but can’t hear an ambulance coming down our street when I am sleep. I hear some rustling I wake instantly. It is called PTSD!
Labels: Blog Challenge, Family, Ramblings, Randoms, writings
