Harrison Is Pretty Randoms…

Saturday's high bun...For book club meeting

Am I the only one thinks this has been a long week? Geez, I am exhausted.

I am so glad I finally got my Scandal fix. Seriously, these past 3 weeks have been pure torture, what is one to do? I could watch the reruns, but seriously this show takes a lot out you emotionally and I just can’t watch the reruns. Yet. LOL!

So Beyonce is Satan now? Wow! You make a record basically to shut down your haters and folks think you are the devil. Seriously, the media is controlling too many people’s lives. Get you a life. And I ain’t even a Beyonce stan. Nobody has time for this shyte!

Speaking of Satan. I have been watching The Bible series, but I catch it on Lifetime, because I am working when it airs originally. So the Satan looks like President Obama? Seriously, people? Get you a damn life.

I can’t decide if I am doing a raised garden and/or a container garden. I love my flowers and I love saving money on fresh veggies, but I am going to be out of town a bit this summer and I fear my plants will suffer. We shall see. I have some seeds. Need soil and a new raised garden container. The one I have just didn’t survive the rainy winter we had. We shall see.

I need to tell my oldest niece that I will be twerking ala Miley Cyrus at her graduation brunch. I am so serious. Okay, I am kidding, but I want to see her face when I tell her what I am thinking about doing.

I almost got sucked in last Friday thinking Lil Wayne was on his death bed. Almost. But my sister reminded me I was on the slippery slope to being obsessive about it. She went through my bout after Aaliyah died. It was bad.

I need a new recipe for something anything. Nothing right now is grabbing me and seducing me to make right now.

I have a friend who is getting married. I am trying to be supportive. I refused any thoughts of me being in the actual wedding. Been there and am still waiting on a refund on the dress material I paid for. No can do. Plus, she has failed to express the emotional feelings she has for the dude. No mention of feeling cherished, loved or even he is paying all the bills. Sighing…All I hear are what things cost for a wedding, blah, blah, blah. Marriage isn’t the wedding. That is all.

Sighing…We have a “small” family trip ahead for my niece’s graduation. I have to go. I don’t want to go. Why? Because nothing good comes from me traveling to Virginia ever. I always say my mama intervenes because something always happens. It does and I am not exaggerating. The first time after my mama died, we went for my stepfather’s wedding. I told them, meaning the adults, I didn’t want to go and there was no need in me being there. But the “adults” decided I had to go, so they decided we would leave the Friday before and get there early Saturday. Well…they should have listened to me because the van we were traveling in broke down on Jimmy Carter Blvd in Georgia and we couldn’t get it fixed until the next morning. So we were stuck in Georgia and had to sleep in the van. Ugh! After the van was fixed my uncle filled up the van and preceded to hit the car behind us and drive off. I am not kidding. We never turned back. Then we got lost in North Carolina trying to find this hidden church. It was uncomfortable asking for directions from folks with confederate flags on their businesses. To add insult to injury, my stomach decided it boil over. Sorry, folks we had to stop every 15 minutes because of my stomach. (I could be graphic, but I won’t). We made it to the wedding, when it was over. We were hungry, tired and funky. My uncle said he was going inside the church because he wasn’t funky and to be sure we understood that he decided to but cologne over the funk. Thanks. And remember the BVD commercial where the guy goes to the front desk in his underwear because he locks himself out of the hotel room? My uncle did that well before the commercial ever aired. I almost died after my brother’s graduation because my uncle decides to drive us directly into a vehicle luckily the vehicle got out of the way just in time. I saw my life pass before my eyes. Or the time I went and we had to get on 3 different airplanes before we could fly to Norfolk and then when we get there we must circle the airport because of the major thunderstorm. So my nerves were tore up, bad. So I just don’t have this great want to be in VA, because these disasters follow us there. This year 8 of us are going in a 7 passenger van for a 13 hour drive. You know I wanted to die when we went to Myrtle Beach. I gotta to go pray on this some more because the family keeps calling about how long, when, where, hotel blah, blah. I am over it already. Why the hell were they planning to be there for a week? No way. I have been to VA and have lived there briefly. No. I don’t even do beaches. Ugh! Maybe you all should pray with me?

Where will The Guy and I go for some R&R?

Blood pressure is back to normal. Or at least my new normal.

I need a new physician. Badly. I love my doctor, but his office? No so much.

Is your weather wonky? Monday we had a high of 83 degrees and we endured a hail storm, bless it my area got pea size hail (I went to praying when I heard it hitting the house). And today’s high will be 55 degrees. And it is raining…again. We are going to hell…

Can people stop using FB as the place to communicate about personal issues and their woes?  I am easily irked when you post truly personal stuff on social media, but are unable to communicate your issues with actual people and in person.  FB is the devil.

This is what I am finishing and reading this weekend.

I will do a review of Black Water Rising by Attica Lock next week.  Sinners & Saints is book club read for April

Any plans? Not for me except relax.

Enjoy your weekend!

Sorry not kiddie pictures, but my smile will hold you until next time...



Rambling My New Normal...Randoms

I am back…I hope. You may want to grab a cold one or a hot drink because this sucker is long. Really long. I have tons of pictures and lots to say. I am reminded I must not ever take such a long break from blogging.


First, I would like to thank those who offered condolences for the loss of my stepfather. I am sorry I didn’t respond back, but as you can imagine things during this time were stressful and exhausting. I saw them and I do appreciate the time you took to respond.

So let’s begin the randoms and ramblings back to that week. My stepfather was in the hospital five days before my sister even knew he had been hospitalized for a ruptured appendix. When she found out on Tuesday evening she called me and I in turn called his hospital room. He told me what happened and then I admonished him for not letting his family know because he has a daughter in California and his son is in Virginia Beach. My stepfather loved to laugh and even though I was giving him the business he was laughing. He even told me to stop making him laugh because it made his stitches hurt. I told him I wasn’t sure if I would be able to make it to the hospital but I was sending my cousin over to check on him. He said, “Shana, I appreciate you just calling and checking on me and that is enough for me.” Little did I know…

I implore you to make sure you have business in order. Make sure you have a will and make sure folks know what your final wishes are, because without that information things can get messy. My stepfather’s affairs were messy. He was legally separated from his wife, but he had a girlfriend who lived with him. I was the one at the hospital irked the officials were ignoring me and my stepfather’s brother to talk to the girlfriend but she told them she was his wife. My words, “He has a wife, but she lives in Virginia Beach. She will be calling so make sure you give her the information she requests.” Talking about some common-law shit. I wasn’t having it and when things went down, his first daughter had to be the one to sign papers and the girlfriend…never mind. Make sure your affairs are in order.

I got to see my brother. He flew into Birmingham and my folks picked him up from the airport. I forewarned him they were extra excited to see him so buck up and be prepared. My brother is big ya’ll. When I last saw him he was 17 years old. He ain’t 17 anymore. He gave me the biggest hug ever. But why he got to call me big sis? Geez, both my brother and sister are taller than me. Much taller.

My sister and her brood arrived Saturday evening. In fact, I was home before they got to my house and I worked that night. My sister was so frustrated trying to get to Alabama, because all the planning for my stepfather’s funeral fell on her. I told her the banks were closed and I couldn’t get her bail money if she messed someone up. At this point there were 5 people staying at my house. This is important okay?

The Sunday after they arrived, my sister went to the “country” to talk to the girlfriend. It didn’t go so well. The girlfriend said me and my cousin were starting with her. What the hell was she talking about? Mad because I told the truth in the hospital, byotch please!

Mind you I kept going to my second job and only took off 3 days from my fulltime job. This is important okay?

We were both like, "What the hell?"  Just before they left...

Lala wasn’t feeling me at all. She would be screaming and tearing up the den and as soon as I walked in the room she would shut it down. A mess. One evening she was playing with her mom’s phone so I decided to call and when she saw my face she threw the phone down screaming and hollering. A mess. Seriously, if you put her in any vicinity of me she would go to screaming. But things got better eventually.

She sees me, but she ain't acknowledging me.  And her stance was do not touch me, lady!

My sister’s stepmom and her oldest daughter arrived on Tuesday. So the number is up to 6 people in my home.

Pat was touched I invited her to stay, but I felt it was what I was supposed to do. I just prayed she wouldn’t work my nerves, because she can worry you to death if you let her. Pat had to be there because in reality, her still being married to my stepfather meant certain things fell upon her to deal with.

The funeral home that was chosen for my stepfather, wasn’t one known by me. And for the record, they were the worst I had ever had the pleasure to deal with. They weren’t like the folks who handled my mother’s, aunt’s or uncle’s funeral. My sister, brother, Pat and my stepfather’s brother had to do all the leg work. All of it. They had to go to the VA to get the flag for the ceremony, because my stepfather retired from the Navy. They had to locate the burial information. The funeral home director was late for the funeral. The notice in the paper wasn’t done to my sister’s specification. They couldn’t do a wake because the funeral home said because they were burying him on a Saturday and to do a wake on the Wednesday prior would cause problems because he was a donor. Bones, tissues, eyes and muscle donor. They told my sister he would be “leaking” before Saturday and they didn’t want that to happen. Mind you, no one could see the body until Friday before the funeral. I felt bad for my sister because I wanted him to look as good as possible. And he did. But the funeral home director was asked by my sister why they cut his beard and they said he didn’t have beard, but his side burns were too long. Liar. I know he had a beard that was absolutely beautiful it was salt and pepper and gorgeous I touched it when I saw him. I hate when folks lie to me. For the record, he was leaking on Saturday. Sighing…

The Thursday before the funeral my sister’s best friend arrived and my sister’s husband had to leave. The count in my home was up to 7. And by this point, Pat wouldn’t stop cooking and filling my refrigerator up with leftovers no one was going to eat. Seriously, by Thursday she was making some intricate dish that I knew I wasn’t going to eat. I do not under any circumstances eat white sauces. No can do. Cheese, which you know I am no fan of. I needed a break from my own damn house. My sister, her friend and I headed to the mall, Wally world and out to get happy hour drinks and eats. My nerves were on edge. When we got back home about an hour or so before Scandal, we were nice and mellow. And I politely told Pat not to cook another damn thing. My refrigerator looked like the bulbs were blown because of all the food in that sucker.

The funeral brought all the cousins together to reminisce about the old days. Why did they remember I hated to go outside? Why? I guess because I did. We (cousins) had to go to my stepfather’s home to try and retrieve any paperwork we could find. However, the girlfriend locked the door. My brother tried to break the door, but we didn’t really want to do that. I noticed a screwdriver on the porch and I ever so quietly popped the lock. When I turned around to let them know we could go in and everyone had their mouths open wide. In shock. I had to start explaining myself. “Look, I don’t do this type thing for a living, but I know how to do it and it ain’t that difficult.” Then they couldn’t stop laughing.

My gorgeous, blessed with the Voice, Niece.

The funeral went well. My sister and brother spoke so well and it was just a moving ceremony. My 18 year old niece sang the gospel song about this old building has a leak and she tore that song up. I was being a G up until that point. You know shades on and no tears. When she hit “that” note. I was done. Shades came off and tears were flowing and wouldn’t stop. I swear “that” sounded like my mama singing. We all said, “Betty Jean showed up at the funeral!” We didn’t have any visitor’s show out as anticipated because we were prepared to deal with the situation. Then we went to the gravesite which is on the church grounds, um, did I mention this was in the country? And let me tell you something, I do not care for men in uniform. Not at all. But, baby when the Honor guard was doing their thing I was in love. Those dudes were precision and they looked good as well. I had to tilt the shades because I didn’t want to miss a thing. And when they shook our hands, I think I may have held their grasp a little too long.

And as we were waiting to go back into the church, The Guy caught up with me. And ya’ll I was just so happy to see him there. To know he cared enough for me to be there for me and my siblings just meant the world to me. For the record, he meet my other family members, who live right here for the first time. I almost felt guilty about lusting after the honor guards. I said almost. Yes, he reads this blog. But he knows what is up.

The Cousins...I am still waiting on the good picture!

We got a picture with all the cousins. We only had one missing and he wasn’t able to make the funeral, but I saw him the weekend before when he came by my second job with his wild kids. They were bad rambunctious, ya’ll. Cute but OMG!

While at the repast, the cousins were cooking up a plan to find some cards and dranks for later. And my cousin was only too happy to oblige. Funerals calm me down when they are over. I just want to sleep. Some folks want to party. And they did.

I love my family but by Saturday I was ready for some quiet and my house to be clean again. Everyone left on Sunday. I washed about 6 loads of linens, clothes and towels. My goodness.

Since the funeral I have been trying to get back to my new normal. The time before the funeral was tense because they held the funeral later than expected and I tend to build up anxiety until it is over. And trying to clear things before my sister left also took time and energy.

Book club outfit...

I am vain...but my smile is beautiful!

Had book club meeting and we had a great meeting and even had an impromptu Dreamgirls movie night. Oh, and everyone enjoyed the book.

Sequestration. I can’t with the government right now. Although folks may not see the pain instantly, some will. My cousin, who works for the BOP, received her furlough letter a week before the deadline. This means I still will not get a cost of living or merit raise. Did I mention we haven’t had any of these since 2008? Did I mention the legislature has calculated some government workers pay has been cut by 1/3rd? I tell folks my check is less than it was 5 years ago.

My vision board has reaped me some wonderful blessings. I continue to review and know all that is on it will come to past when God deems it time. So I am working on my patience.

I need to lose weight. It is becoming a struggle again because they keep changing my blood pressure medicine. Yes, I am on a new one. This time I was given samples so I could gauge my reactions. One med though I just couldn’t take because my heart and mind were in conflict due to the severe reactions one could have. And the day I was supposed to start it I went to my pharmacist and he told me the effects and what happen with his wife I got scared again. He told me I should at least take the sample and see if I have reaction. No can do. I am too allergic to stuff and when you live alone this is alarming. One of the side-effects is you will become light-headed and will faint. No player. Good thing is the other med, which I didn’t have any qualms about taking is working marvelously. I purchased a new BP monitor, which had great reviews and I am ranging from 113/70 to no more 125/70. A couple times I took it right after eating and it was higher, and when I read not to do that I understood why. So hopefully, this works. Next up is to find a new doctor.

I am making smoothies to eat as snacks with spinach, carrots, apples, bananas, strawberries, blueberries, pineapples and green tea. Yummy!

Smoothie central...

I am still exercising at work 4 to 5 days a week. I am back on my Wii in the evenings so I can sleep at night. Insomnia is kicking my but.

You know the time changes this weekend right? I am already over it.

My hair is too long. I am over it. It needs to be cut before the summer. When I was at the hospital trying to retrieve my stepfather’s belongings I looked on the floor as we were walking out and I saw a lock on the floor. Yeah, I pulled it out of my head when I was adjusting my purse. My hair stays in a bun now. Ugh!

The weather here has been down to 28 degrees this week with a high of 72 today. I am over it.

My sister's husband gave the girls balloons...Question how were they supposed to take them on the plane.  Question:  Why are they still in my living room? I hate popping balloons

I hugged my sister’s husband. You all need to be clapping, we have come a long way, baby.

Seriously, why was my stomach out? My mom, stepfather, sister and me.

My brother tagged me in an old family picture, which was also used in the funeral program for my stepfather. Well, last Friday I looked at the picture again and I noticed my arms were folded, which is a good indicator I am mad about something. When I blew the picture up I was immediately devastated. OMG! My stomach is out. They have posted on FB a half naked picture of me. And to add insult to injury this picture was on the program in a church. I am already going to have to explain things at the Pearly Gates, this just adds to the list. My sister didn’t believe me when I said they were posting child prone, then when she looked at it closer she stated laughing. Hysterically. Why? I didn’t want my stomach out that is why my arms were folded. Dang! My sister calmed down enough to ask did I have an outtie belly button. I don’t now, was my response. SMH!

Seriously, I do not know what to do with myself without Scandal on Thursday night. It doesn’t return until the 21st. Ugh!

JR Ewing is dead. I can’t watch the entire episode. Larry Hagman’s death was hard enough, but to do it twice. I just can’t. (I may need to get some therapy).

My washing machine stop spinning and draining the day my stepfather died and when I say I had a massive meltdown that would be an understatement. But I got it fixed on that Saturday. I was so thankful.

Did I mention my fluorescent lights in the kitchen also went out that Thursday and I had a meltdown that would be an understatement. I was able to get two new bulbs for less than $3 dollars and changed them by myself. I felt like Superwoman.

With all the family staying with me made me realize a few things. I am really particular about how things are in my home. I cussed everyone out in my house the 2nd time I came home from work and the screen door was locked and I had to ring my doorbell to get in. I did. I turned all my lights back on when they turned them off, especially my stadium lighting outside for the thieves. I didn’t realize I had certain bowls or utensils but they found them. I like the bathtub washed out after every use. Every use. I don’t like greasy food. Triple Ginger cookies are loved by more than Lala. Hunny Bunny got in trouble and I babied her up, I must be getting old. Then I told her to go wipe her face because Aunt Nana doesn’t like liquids coming out of edifices on one’s body, because it is nasty. My brother and my sister’s best friend just shook their heads. I am too old for too much change. And my life was disrupted for a full week. But I wouldn’t change it for anything. Family is everything!

The siblings together after 18 years under one roof.

Enjoy your weekend. I promise to come back with less rambling and more concrete blogs soon.

Funeral look...

Just because Carson is wearing his clubbing outfit I got him for Christmas.  Too Cute!

Lala looking like she is 2 instead of 1 years old.  Seriously?

Daylights Savings Time Randoms...

I am losing an hour of sleep. This is going to be so problematic on Monday, when I really feel it.

Right now, I could use a nap, but that isn’t going to happen.

One of my workers on my part-time job asked for more hours a few weeks ago. I looked at her and said not until I get some positive reports from the other managers, and when I asked them at our weekly meeting the answer was you haven’t improved. She was very appreciative and said thank you. I know she called me a byotch, but hey I had been gone for two weeks and prior to that I didn’t schedule her when I worked. I need peace in my life and she doesn’t bring that to me.

I return to working out this week. Go me! 4 days of working out! I was so excited to get back to our little gym at work and was looking forward to the treadmill. Um, why were both treadmills out of order? Man, I haven’t been in the gym in a month and the equipment was broken. Then no one even reported they were out of order. Geez, they must not be serious about their workout.

I need to wash my hair like nobody’s business. It has been well over a month since I washed it and 3 weeks since I retightened. My head is a fool right now. I am trying to figure out how I can fit in a wash and 12 hour dry session into my weekend. I so dread this process. Somebody help me!

The weather here has been crazy. One day it is cold and two days later it is 70 degrees. It is a wonder there aren’t more sick folks. The guy gets a cold every time the weather changes. Bless his heart.

The guy came to my job recently to eat and wait on his son to get off work and he didn’t want to drive all the way back home. The kids had a field day. “Ms. Cashana, I knew that was your boyfriend because you lit up and ya’ll were smiling so hard at each other.” Yeah.

Transitioning back to work after being off two weeks wasn’t too difficult, but I had to realize a few things. One, I couldn’t go back full days the first week back because my depth perception was off and it tended to give me a headache when I did too much computer work. Two, I struggled with not having control over this situation. Last week I went in for a follow up appointment and was going to work after. Well, they dilated both my eyes instead of just the left one. So I go to work after putting the shades they have given me over my eyeglasses. I go in to do my timesheet and complete my leave slips first well, I was only there 10 minutes because it was quite obvious I wasn’t going to be able to see shyte. I was just distraught over the whole situation. I went home and had a good cry and a nap.

Let’s go back to Tuesday of last week. I was on my 2nd job and sneezed. Sneezing is normal and everyone does it. However, when you have eye surgery you need to control how you sneeze. I had no chance to control the sneeze and when I sneezed, Lawd have mercy! I saw stars and stripes and possibly the light because the pain was excruciating. My head began hurting directly over my left eye and my eye was immediately sore. I did make sure I hadn’t gone back to having shadows, which I hadn’t. When I tell you when I went to my f/u appt. I told them what happen they wanted to insure I hadn’t done anything to re-injure the eye and I hadn’t but I was going to be sore. With this buckle on my eyeball, I think I sneezed so hard I bruised my socket and hit a nerve. Because my eye settled down on that Thursday, but Friday my eye was in ridiculous pain. If the wind blew across my eye, that bad boy hurt. It hurt until Saturday afternoon. It stopped I believe because I slept all day and did nothing but sleep and kept the eye covered. The next time I had to sneeze, I coughed instead.

I have finally slowed down on the entire picture taking of my eye. The retina is completely reattached and I have no restrictions except lying on my back. I go back next month to get new prescriptions for my contacts and glasses. Yep, luckily I only got new contacts in January and was holding on to my eyeglass prescription.

My sister was so mad about her cell phone bill this week she let the phone get cut off. Why? Because my niece and my brother had piled on extra fees and didn’t know where the extra costs came from. She said they were both looking sip silly. Her words. I was like I don’t know if I could just not have my cell phone. At midnight when the phone went off, I would have been like I don’t know what time it is even though I have a clock radio by the bed. I would have probably started rocking in the bed and pacing the floor trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with my phone. The picture I conjured up wasn’t pretty. Luckily, she only let them suffer a few hours.

My sister said this and I love it, “You can’t be stupid all your damn life.” Amen.

Pinterest is all that and more.

Is Snooki really headline news? I have yet to watch the show because it looks ridiculous.

Speaking of reality shows, can we petition somebody to end this mess? It has gotten so no scripted programs are being done and all the shows resort to sensualistic behavior for ratings. Frankly, I am tired of seeing grown women fighting. Luckily, I just don’t watch. But you can’t help but to notice as you channel search.

I am looking forward to Dallas this summer, but I am worried that it won’t live up to the hype and I will be disappointed. I grew up watching Dallas. We shall see.

I lower my head in shame because you know how many episodes of Law & Order: SVU I have seen this season? None. I don’t know what happen but on Wednesday I can’t be compelled to stop watching the old episodes of Law & Order to catch SVU, plus with Stabler gone, I don’t know.

No baking still, but I do plan to make these Hot and Sweet chicken legs for dinner Sunday. Got the idea from guess what? Pinterest. So I will have a new cooking item next week.

Did I mention I am going to have problems on Monday due to the change of time? I will be cranky for a week, I just know it. Until then, have a great weekend!

Final Tales from My Left Eye...



The excitement of being home and in my own bed.

Recuperation requires that you rest, relax and not exert yourself. And in the beginning you don’t want to do that much anyway, you hurt. I will say the first two days after surgery I slept mostly, because those were the doctor’s orders, but by Sunday I wanted to at least see the television better so I could enjoy a Law & Order episode or LMN movie. But I layed down on my left side like I was supposed to do. I got up only for eye drops, bathroom and to eat. My phone was right by me, because one cannot live without their cell phone. Or at least we act like it.

2/17/12

I also realized people didn’t know exactly what the hell I did to my eye. I would use the visual of my fist and my hand covering the back of it and what the retinal detachment meant. I had to explained over and over I didn’t know how this happened, but it can happen quickly and it has to be dealt with quickly or one may lose sight or vision in that eye. When I would tell them the day before my surgery I was told not to turn my head too fast or sneeze they seemed to be in awe. Yeah, it was serious.

2/18/12

I hate not being able to work out. This is killing me. My fear of gaining weight back ain’t no joke. And when you are doing nothing you eat. Boredom. So I have to stock my house with fruits and veggies. But I sure do crave some ice cream. I am hoping for light working out release this week. Keep your fingers crossed.

2/19/12

The pictures of my eye if seen chronologically, one can see the noticeable changes in the swelling. The first couple of days were a bit devastating to view according to my sister and one of my cousins. But I kept sending them pictures showing the progress, so they are feeling better.

2/20/12

Before surgery they told me the side effects included the possibility of an eye infection that would cause me to lose my eye, not reattaching and my vision never being as it was. I think my cousin was worried about the infection part. Anyone who knows me understands I do not play about my eyes. I use to get cysts on my eyes when I was a teenager, most folks call them stighs. When I learned what causes them and after I had 4 removed, I learned to wash my face properly and always wash my hands before dealing with my eyes. So I wasn’t going to do anything to hurt the eye further. When I put my drops in one morning she saw me cleaning the eye before the drops she was scared. I was like my eyes leaks okay it drains and it is normal but I have to clean it in order to put in the drops. She got the message. LOL! The drainage the first few days was amazing. I’d lie down and feel something wet on my face, it was a lot, but it eventually slowed down. Thankfully!

2/21/12

I was told that I will be extremely nearsighted in the eye, which I am. I can see things very clearly up close. My vision far off, not so good, still fuzzy but improving every day. I will also develop a cataract in this eye in about a year to 18 months, which is easily rectified and my vision will be better than it was before the surgery. I can’t lie on my back until further notice because of the cataract situation. I don’t sleep on my back anyway. Um, may curb other activities which require me to lie on my back, but I am sure I can adjust. LOL!

My stamina has taken a hit because the woman who has worked two jobs for over 18 years gets tired quick. I made jambalaya on Sunday, washed two small loads of clothes, changed linens on two beds and clean out the fridge was in tears because I was so tired. I had to take a short nap. Hopefully, as I return to work full-time, my stamina will build.

I know when I have been on the computer or reading too long. I get a headache over my left eye and I shut it down. I am being more cautious of my computer time though. Yes, I drive, but I couldn’t with the gas bubble and I had to wear a green band until it disappeared. If I had been in an accident and folks didn’t know I could lost the vision in the eye due to the bubble. Yeah. I wasn’t in a car as a passenger except for appointments. Also, you can legally drive with one eye. Really.

My Green band. 

I can’t wash my hair yet, because I cannot get any chemicals in this eye. I ain’t mad either. My hair looks great though. Plus, I washed it the week before the surgery. And I retightened it the Thursday I was back in my house and finished it that Saturday, I think. Hell I took my time doing my hair. I also protect my eye by sleeping in a shield every night until the doctor says it is okay not to. I am ready to get rid of the thing because the glue from the tape ain’t easy to get off my face. LOL!

The infamous shield, not patch.

The recovery is on pace. I have Faith things would work out and I refused to worry or get all up in arms about the surgery or post op. What good would it do? I am hoping to be back in my contacts in a couple weeks too. Glasses are okay but I prefer my contacts. Even if I have to take them out every day that is fine with me because at least I can see.

2/25/12

Take care of your eyes and when something doesn’t seem right go to your doctor.

2/27/12

Tales from the Left Eye...Part 3

One day post op picture with shield



The day after my surgery I had to go the doctor for my post op appointment. I went early because after sleeping on my stomach for the few hours I could sleep, my back was hurting and I was over this shyte already.

This is a really good picture of how swollen my eyes truly was.  I was smizing with my eyes.  Well, that is what I told my sister.

Since I was post-op, I was called to the back immediately where they took off the patch and shield and cleaned this caked up left eye they also proceeded to do an eye exam. Yeah. I couldn’t see anything out of my left eye except shadows. But you aren’t supposed to, thankfully they told me that or I would have started crying. And I wasn’t sure crying should be happening with this eye. The nurse had to keep telling me I could move my eye and open it wider. Hell, I didn’t know the thing felt weird. Dr. Massey said my eye retina had been reattached and now I must rest. This meant I could sleep on my left side only until Monday and I was allowed to get up from sleeping every two hours for 5 minutes. What the hell? I must always keep my shield in place while lying down. I had to put 3 different eye drops in my eye 4 times a day. That I could do. But being prone for that many days was going to be a struggle. Thank goodness my cousin was making me stay at her house, because baby I would have been up walking the house.

Not too clear, but coming along.

I have been asked how I slept all that time and what could I do when I couldn’t see things or even read. I slept seriously because from the rough night I had Thursday night with my back hurting, I could only sleep I was tired and wore out from all that had happen in the last few days. I listened to the TV mostly although I could see with my glasses on and they fit over my shield, I wasn’t worried about actually watching TV. Since I am banned from working out for a month to 6 weeks, I tried not to over eat. I introduced my cousin to peel and eat grapes. You know, globe grapes. Loves them. She did manage to get me a cupcake twice from Cupcakes by Tish while I was there. But I just didn’t want to overeat since I couldn’t work it off. Not working out is not fun.

On that Saturday, as I was resting on the couch on my left side, my cousin got a text about Whitney Houston. Lawd, my heart hurt, but I couldn’t cry because I wasn’t sure I could with this eye. I had to take to the bed like old folks say. I was done. RIP – Whitney!

My time at my cousin really was for recuperating. I finally had a good night sleep that Monday night after the surgery. I really can’t sleep in anyone’s bed but my own. Their dog was quite interested in my staying there, but she knew not to jump her ass in the bed with me. Shana don’t play that. And with this eye… I stop taking Loritab for my eye on Saturday, and started taking it for my damn hip. Only half a pill, because lying on your hip hurts when that is all you do. I took baths and did my own drops. I was able to take care of myself and I fixed my own breakfast and such and I was good. But I was ready to go home. And when I asked about going home my cousin was like if the Dr. says so. I was like he told me I could go home by myself the same day of the surgery but I had to have someone bring me to appointments and take me home because I wasn’t allowed to drive with the gas bubble in my eye. It was nice to have someone take care of me, but I am a loner by nature and frankly I like when it is quiet.

The day of my 2nd Op appointment.  The difference is clear.

When I went to my one week post op appointment, I was reading with magnification, the eye chart and got to 2 lines before perfect vision. I will explain later what I can expect from my vision for now on. I actually got to see Dr. Massey smile about that. He was pleasant but he never smiled until that day. Made me feel good, plus I got to go home. I went home and ate breakfast and slept in my bed. Of course the sleep was interrupted by my other cousin who was spending the night about what I wanted for dinner three times. Ya’ll get close to the screen…my family eats out too much. I rarely go to restaurants and when they would name some place I would have pull up their menu on my phone.

I knew I was going home the next day.

Even at home, I rested because I didn’t want to derail my recovery. Although the doctor released me to return to work the next week, after the gas bubble went away, I took my time by going in half days. I found my stamina is not the same. I also learned quickly too much reading with the left eye built up pressure in my left eye causing me to have a headache. Sometimes you have to sit your azz down.

I thanked my family for helping me out. And I prayed a lot. Things could have gone terribly bad, but I had Faith. Next tale will be about this recovery and then we move on from here and start backing rambling…

Tales from my Left Eye...Part 2

Taken on 2/24/2012 w/o the glasses.  Yes, my eye is swollen and red.  Sighing...but I am still cute.

After straightening my desk and spending some time talking to the office manager, I went back to my office to gather up my things and I had several missed calls and a voice message. My cousin called me back numerous times and the killer was the voice message, “Shana, call me back. I know you are in your car having a meltdown.” Um, no I wasn’t. In fact, I didn’t cry one time after talking to her or since really. No really? I explained in my are you serious voice, that I was getting my affairs in order to be off for 2 weeks and no I am not crying. Then she says do I want to spend the night with her tonight or she spend the night with me so I want be alone and worrying about the surgery. I emphatically said, “No!” I am staying home alone tonight and no the guy isn’t coming over because I will be cleaning my house up, like old folks do. I told her I would see her in the morning. I explained I am not upset about the surgery, I was crying because I am not in control of things and I do not like depending on anyone. Geez, Louise!


Leaving my office, shaking my head at my cousin’s overreaction to the situation, I called my sister and let her know of the situation. She asked what most everyone asks, “How did you do that?” Dr. Massey asked if I had been hit in the eye. My response, “No, because if that had happen I wouldn’t be sitting here right now, I would be in jail, Sir.” Of course, my sister becomes disturbed because of my earlier antics and my cavalier responses to her questions. When I hung up from her I knew she would be all over WebMd. And she was.

When I got home I finally ate and then talked to the guy and got some reassurance from him and took my ass to sleep. I was worn out. I woke up and began cleaning, washing, vacuuming and even ran to the bank and drug store for prescriptions, all in the name of getting my affairs in order. I finished everything in about 2 hours and then started packing my small suitcase for a week’s stay at my cousin’s house. All I really needed with pjs. LOL! I then talked to my brother who had the same surgery when he was incarcerated and he gave me the ends and outs of it. But, he did what I wouldn’t have done and that was walk around for 3 weeks blind in his right eye. Hell no. I had a shadow that I could see through and I went to the doctor. After fielding phone calls, because I just told you all the people I talked to about the surgery I took a long bath and prepared for bed. Surgery was the next morning.

I had to be at the hospital at 9:30 am for pre-op, because the day before I just didn’t want to deal with it anymore I had things to take care of. Pre-op went well because they were able to find veins quickly and not have me looking like a druggie with track marks. My surgery was scheduled for 11 am, but during pre-op I was told it had been moved to 12, but I actually didn’t go to surgery until 2 pm. During this time I was in my pre-op room until a little after 11. I told the nurse to not let my family in the back because they were going to make my anxiety level rise and right then I was calm. I had 3 cousins waiting for me in the waiting area. My sister called my cousin at 9:30 making sure she knew the ins and outs of what was going on. Really? Anyway, the nurse followed my requests, but low and behold I hear these loud folks coming down the hall. Yep, the family. The folks at the desk didn’t know of my request. Thankfully, I was moved to the holding area within 15 minutes of them being in my pre-op room. Shaking my head.

In holding, is where they set up my IV and such, but mostly it is where everyone is waiting to go into surgery. All your business out there as they ask the same questions over and over again. Hell, I got scared the anesthesia was going to give me memory loss listening to two different patients complain about losing chunks of memory after being under. What the hell? Anyway, I manage to always say my left eye was the one to be operated on the fifty-million times I was asked. I was so glad when Dr. Massey came to mark me eye so I wouldn’t have to keep saying, “Please do not mess with the good eye.”

This is what I remember from surgery. I was wheeled into the surgery room, which was hella bright and I moved to the other table/bed and then I was knocked the hell out. This is what happened from Mayo clinic site:

Indenting the surface of your eye. A procedure called scleral buckling involves suturing a piece of silicone rubber or sponge to the white of your eye (sclera) over the affected area. The silicone material indents the wall of the eye, relieving the tugging of the vitreous on the retina. When you have several tears or holes or an extensive detachment, your surgeon may create an encircling scleral buckle that goes around the entire circumference of your eye like a belt. The buckle usually remains in place for the rest of your life.


Draining and replacing the fluid in the eye. A vitrectomy is a procedure to remove the gel-like fluid in the center of the eye, along with any tissue that is tugging on the retina. Air, gas or liquids are injected into the vitreous cavity to reattach the retina. A vitrectomy is often combined with a scleral buckling procedure.


Injecting air or gas into your eye. A procedure called pneumatic retinopexy involves injecting a bubble of air or gas into the vitreous. Over the next several days, the gas bubble expands, sealing the retinal tear by pushing against it and the detached area that surrounds the tear. With no new fluid passing through the retinal tear, fluid that had previously collected under the retina is absorbed, and the retina is able to reattach itself to the back wall of your eye. Depending on where the retinal detachment is located in your eye, you may need to hold your head in a certain position for several hours in order to keep the bubble in place.


I woke up at about 4 something in the afternoon, talking. I was in post-op waiting to go to a room and I was talking the nurse to death. What time is it? Why is my stomach hurting so bad? My eye doesn’t feel too bad yet. What is my blood pressure? I am not nauseous, yeah. Uh oh, my eye is hurting. She was like your room will be ready in ten minutes, but I am going to take you there in five. I think ole girl was ready for me to go. Before I left post-op, Dr. Massey came in and told me everything went well and he asked me how I was feeling. “I am fine, but my stomach hurts!” Then he went to give my family the post-op instructions.

My nurse from pre-op was my nurse for post-op. We were still laughing about what sociable drinking means. Inside joke. I told her to wait 15 mins. before getting my family and let me go to the bathroom first. You see, I had to use it before the surgery but was too scared to have to drag the IV with me and it just seemed too inconvenient. So we took care of that and I was sipping on water and eating crackers when my cousin came in to the room. After about 30 minutes I was ready to go. I dressed myself and everything. This was after the nurse showed me how to sleep face down for the night. Yeah. There is a system to that madness. And as we were leaving I got real nauseous and was like oh my goodness. Loritab on an empty stomach is not the business. Plus, I knew I shouldn’t be throwing up with this eye. Oh, the eye was covered in a patch and a shield. There are videos of the surgery online if you want to see it, me not so much.

Luckily, I was able to get to my cousin’s house with no mishaps except scaring the guy on the phone when he called. I laid down for an hour and woke up feeling better. Although, sleeping on my face is so not comfortable, but with drugs easier.


More to come…

The Tales From My Eye...Part 1

Taken 2/23/2012 I have been taking pictures of the eye through this process.  I torture my sister with them.  This one is sexy, if I do say so...LOL!

Seriously, WebMD has some useful information, because that site and others gave me an idea of what I would be dealing with, very soon. In fact, sooner than I was prepared for anyway.


Let’s go back to January and my eye appointment. The one where the Dr. very nicely said you have to know what you are looking for otherwise you get the worst case scenario when you read all that info. This after I thought I was getting a detached retina, before my appointment. Floaters in one’s eye after 40 are normal and since my retina was still attached then and my pressures in my eyes were normal, things seem to be going fine.

On February 3, 2012, that evening while on my second job, I noticed that my peripheral view was blocked by a dark shadow. Creepy. But, I still kept up my busy life as usual even when the shadow stayed up until Monday. On Monday, the shadow was no longer dark, but I could actually see through it, although not clearly, I figure I had some fluke and I was recovering. Well, by that Tuesday and still being able to see through the shadow, which had lighten, I decided to just make an eye appointment to be sure, especially since I had been reading the signs of retinal detachment all morning. The nurse when I called seemed to be upset I took so long to make the appointment and admonished me to not ever wait again. Geez!

On Wednesday, February 8, 2012, my eye Dr. saw me that morning and although he tried to play down the situation, I knew. My retina was detaching from my eye. He was surprised at the view of my eye compared to a month ago. In fact, he said that was quick. He said I had gotten to them just in time. Because, the night before was the first time I saw the flashes of light they talk about in the symptoms listed for the ailment. He told me, “No worries, Dr. Massey is one of the best Retina specialists in the city.” What was weird, when they were trying to call Dr. Massey’s office, he was on the line calling them. Yeah, sometimes God’s voice is heard. I was told to go straight to his office. I was also told do not turn my head too fast, sneeze or do anything jostling. My retinal detachment had not gotten to my central vision and they wanted to keep it that way. The type of detachment I had is the easiest to repair and heal from.

Dr. Massey’s office had all these papers for me to sign. Mind you they asked had I eaten anything and of course I hadn’t. They couldn’t be thinking about surgery on this day, right? When I go back to see the doctor after having my eye dilated and having to get the good eye dilated, Dr. Massey called out the issues of the eye and told me I had two holes where the retina was detaching and I had a lot of fluid in my eye. He said, “Tomorrow, we will fix this right on up.” Huh? You are kidding right? I immediately started crying. I was crying because I was not in control of this situation at all. I cried as he explained the procedure and the fact I must be out of work for two weeks. And since I lived alone, I needed to fix about 5 or 6 meals I could put in the microwave because I would only be able to get out of bed every two hours for 5 to 15 minutes only. The hell? My mind at this point was scrambling and thinking about trying to get my affairs in order. I was overwhelmed. Completely. I managed to dry my face and act like a 42 year old, but it still didn’t make me not wish my mama or my aunt were there to help me deal with this. Not once did I think about being blind in my left eye, I was at peace with the situation, because hell I had diagnosed myself back in January and had time to think it would happen and not happen, but it did.

I left Dr. Massey’s office, with my contacts back in and headed to my office to clean off my desk and start making some calls. When I was telling my co-worker the situation I began crying again. Not scared about surgery, but coming to terms that I was not in control of my life. I calmed down again and called my cousin and told her I had a problem and again broke down and cried again. Crying because I had to ask someone for help and assistance and not having control of this situation. I am extremely independent and rarely ask for help, so this was a big thing for me. After she said she would be with me at the hospital and I would be staying with her, a load was lifted off my shoulders and I began to straighten my desk and call the second job and let them know, “Hey, I will not be in for two weeks and I must have known last night because I completed the schedule for 2 weeks.” Yeah, proactive and always trying to be in control of my life. However, sometimes life reminds you who is in control.



To be continued… I limit my computer time because I am still healing.