Me - 1 Lizard - 0 Draw - 1

Um, I still have a writing block to my two readers...


Here is a funny true story for you.

This past Friday, I woke up in good spirits and wasn't going to let my aching foot cause me to not make the most of the day.  In fact, I was on my way to being close to on time at work.  Go me!  So as I am locking the door I notice a movement from the corner of my eye.  Yep, as the title so told you, a lizard was in the doorjamb of the glass screen door.  Of course, I screamed immediately and dropped my bags.  And tried my best to calm down, luckily it moved away from the doorjamb and was in a position to go in my house if I opened the door.  So being a punk, I put my bags in the car, called my job and told them I would be late because I had a lizard on my door and then listen for a minute as the person I thought was my friend laughed...for a long time. 

After abruptly ending the call, I went to get my water hose from the back and attached it to the spout on the front, all the while watching this nasty creature scurry but not leave my doorjamb, I used a chair to prop the door open.  Oh, did I mention it was missing its tail?  Ugh!  So I turn on the water hose and got the nasty thing off my door and finally to the corner of the porch where I sprayed the water as long as I could hoping to drown the thing.  Ya'll it flipped on his back and I felt victorious except for the fact my off white pants were wet and now I must change clothes.

So I dragged the water hose to the back and went to unlock the front door and when I pressed the handle to open the door, the bitch pulled away from the door and fell off.  FML!  Did I mention it was already getting hot?  Now, I am outside and although the door is unlocked I can't get in and I am wet, soaking wet!  Seriously, the devil plays too much.

I call my cousin and he tells me he is on his way.  He said we would have to climb through a window.  Well, all of my windows are locked or sealed where you would break your damn arm if you tried to open it.  So I waited on him to get to the house sweating and smiling at the crackheads walking the street as they tell me how sexy I looked.  Yeah, with sweat and water dripping I knew to take the compliments with a grain of salt. 

It only took my cousin 10 minutes to get there.  And when he got on the porch I handed him the insides of the door handle that also fell off into my hands.  And my goodness that is when I noticed the damn lizard that started this mess, had flipped back on to his stomach and was trying to get away, but not coming towards my door.  Really?  Really? Thing was playing possum. 

My cousin used his genius and with the help of a screwdriver was able to get the door open.  I left him working on that to change clothes.  Then he handed me the handle to take with me to go to Lowe's or Home Depot for a door handle.  His parting words, "Hopefully, you will not have to get the whole kit." 

Yeah, I had to get the whole kit to the tune of $136, which by the way I didn't have.  There went my idea to sneak to a hotel for my birthday next week.  And sandwiches for lunch for the next two or three weeks.  No Creative Cooking segments to do and blog.  FML!

So, I made it to work where my co-worker who I called to tell I was going to be late twice was still laughing about my "lizard" and the office manager started laughing as soon as I walked into her office two hours late.  What started out as this great day turned to chaos, frenzy and wet clothes. 

I am thankful my cousin and his son were able to replace the door handle.  Anyone need a deadbolt?  I am thankful there is no lizard in my house.  I have to concede this as a draw.

Did you know lizards play possum?

I will have my Paypal button set up for donations...Geez!  Yeah, keep on laughing...